John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme

Es gibt doch bestimmt Radio-Oscars oder so etwas. Gibt doch Awards für alles! Wenn ja, dann gebühren John Finnemore alle für seine Arbeit im Hörfunk! Eingestiegen bei Cabin Pressure, bin ich auf der Suche nach mehr, nach Gleichwertigem,  zu „John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme“ gekommen. Eines vorweg: Cabin Pressure kann das Souvenir Programme nicht schlagen, aber es ist dennoch einfach klasse!

jfsp

Vier Staffeln mit halbstündigen Episoden gibt es mittlerweile. Die Folgen sind Sketchsammlungen und stehen nicht miteinander in Verbindung. Es gibt allerdings einige wiederkehrende Elemente. So hat jede Folge mindestens einen Song und auch „Patsy Straightwoman“ vom „Interviewsketch“ taucht öfter auf und zum Ende kommt der Geschichtenerzähler, der stets wie folgt anfängt: „Well, since you asked me for a story about…“ Die Songs sind wirklich catchy. In meinem Kopf singt es immer noch „The penguin is not neglected it is molting!“ Die Melodien von Susannah Pearse sind toll und John Finnemores Lyrics tun ihr übriges –  lustig, lustig, lustig…wie auch der Song über die drei Affen („This is what I do…“) oder über Belgien („Belgium, Belgium…Belgium must be STOPPED!“) oder auch „My dog doesn’t know he’s ugly.“ Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Auch hier gibt es wieder einen tollen Cast, mit lauter Leuten, von denen ich noch nie zuvor gehört habe: Simon Kane, Carrie Quinlan, Lawry Lewin und Margaret Cabourn-Smith.

Ich hoffe, es wird weitere Episoden geben, ich will noch mehr vom „Mann, der müde aussieht“ (und immer wahnsinnig fidel und gut gelaunt daherkommt- „diddlydiddely dipdididdeldiduuh“) hören. Weitere Sketche wie Romulus nervtötendes Telefonat mit seiner Mutter, weil er Remus‘ Vorhaben zum Bau von „Reme“ nicht unterstützt. Comedygold wie „Das Gilgamesch-Experiment, gelesen von Ian McKellen, vom Autor F. Ronald Huggerson.“ Mehr Geschichten wie die vom Mann, „who wants to be the voice of the TARDIS“.

Hier mal ein Beispiel, warum ich die Show so lustig finde:

Calling katie

(answerphone beep)
ANSWERPHONE: Hi, this is Katie, leave me a message.
(beep)
CHRIS: Oh, hi Katie, it, uh, Chris here, from the pub. Not- not from the pub, I mean we met in a pub, I don’t live in the pub. Though my friends would tell you otherwise! No, they wouldn’t, I’m a very moderate drinker. Though, you know, I’m fun. You know, I can let my hair down. What’s left of it! No, there’s plenty left of it. It’s just, going a bit on the crown, it’s not… Anyway, it’s Chris, and I’m- I’m…I’m going to record this again.
(presses button)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-record you message, press one. To listen to your messages, pre-
(presses button)
CHRIS: Oh, hi Katie, it’s Chris here. We met the other night in the pub I sometimes-but-not-always go to. At Ben’s birthday. Well, I always go to Ben’s birthday, but it’s not always in the pub. And I go to the pub at times that aren’t Ben’s birthday, but this wasn’t one of those times, it was Ben’s birthday and it was in the pub, well you know that, because you were there, that’s where we met and bloody hell, Chris, pull yourself together!
(beep)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-record your message, press-
(beep)
CHRIS: Oh, hi Katie, it’s Chris here, we met at Ben’s birthday. Anyway, look, um, I’ve no idea if you’d be interested but I remember you said when we were talking you liked music and… Well, I mean obviously everyone likes music… Sorry, I don’t mean that’s a stupid thing for you to say, I just mean it’s stupid of me to think that just because you like music you necessarily want to- Oh shut up you stupid wittering git!
(beep)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-record your-
(beep)
CHRIS: Oh hi, Katie, it’s Chris here. Uh… from Ben’s party. A bit out of the blue, but we were talking about music, weren’t we? And I’ve… I’ve actually got a couple of tickets to that band I was telling you about… Well, I haven’t got them yet, ‘cause you might say no, but I could get them if you- I mean, anyone could get them, I’m not saying “Hey, I’m amazing I can get these tickets”, they’ve not sold out or anything, they’re not that popular, I mean they’re good, but for God’s sake, what’s the matter with you?!
(beep)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-record your-
(beep)
CHRIS: Oh hi, Chrissie, it’s Kate here. Oh for- !
(beep)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-record-
(beep)
CHRIS: Oh, hello. Sorry, I must have the wrong number. Oh, but you must be Katie from Ben’s thing… Hi, it’s Chris here, hiya. Sorry, I was trying to ring another Katie I know, but- Oh but actually, since I’m talking to you… No no no, this is a terrible idea.
(beep)
ANSWERPHONE: To re-
(beep)
CHRIS: Hi, Katie, it’s Chris Callander here, we met at Ben’s party. Listen, you know I was telling you about Next To Zero? Well, um, I’m going along to their gig at the Albany on Friday, just wondered if you’d like to come along? It would be nice to see you again. No worries if you’re busy, but – give me a call back on this number if you fancy me. It! If you fancy it! What the hell is wrong with me?
(beepbeepbeepbeepbeep)
ANSWERPHONE: You have reached the maximum two minute message length.
CHRIS: What? What do you mean “two minute”? Oh god.
ANSWERPHONE: Message saved.
CHRIS: No!
ANSWERPHONE: Please hang up.
CHRIS: No! No! No!
ANSWERPHONE: Please hang up, Please hang up. Please hang up…
LAWYER: And that, my Lord, is why my client, a man with no previous criminal record whatsoever, disguised himself with a balaclava helmet and attempted to mug the plaintiff, for her phone. We are therefore entering a plea of “Guilty, but come on, seriously, what else could he do?”

oder

Towels

Hotel Employee: Dear Guest. Did you know that every day sixty billion gallons of water are used to wash towels in this hotel alone? So in the interests of the environment and that, please use the following system.
Towels in the bath mean ‘please change’.
Towels on the rail mean ‘I’ll use them again’.
Towels in the sink mean ‘surprise me!’.
Towels balanced over the door mean ‘I’ll surprise you!’.
Towels in the trouser press mean ‘you will meet a stranger’.
Towels on the bed mean ‘sleepy towels’.
Towels under the bed mean ‘sneaky towels’.
Towels in the sky mean ‘the end times are at hand’.
Enjoy your stay!

oder

Lisa & Kermit

Lisa: “Hi I’m Lisa.”
Kermit: “Hi.”
Lisa: “What’s your name?”
Kermit: “People call me K.”
Lisa: “Kay? Isn’t that a girl’s name?”
Kermit: “Not, not Kay… K. Just the letter K.”
Lisa: “Oh right! What’s it short for?”
Kermit: “My name.”
Lisa: “Yeah obviously, I mean, what is it? Oh is it Kevin? Or eh Karl?”
Kermit: “No it’s eh… worse than that.”
Lisa: “Keith? Kenneth?”
Kermit: “It’s Kermit.”
Lisa: “Oh. Right. Kermit. Is…”
Kermit: “Yes and no and yes and no and yes and no.”
Lisa: “Sorry?”
Kermit: “Yes like the frog, no not after the frog, yes it’s a real name, no my parents didn’t hate me, yes I did get teased at school, no it’s not easy being green!”
Lisa: “Well there’s no need to be like that.”
Kermit: “What you weren’t going to ask any of those things?”
Lisa: “No, I wasn’t.”
Kermit: “Yes you were! Everyone does.”
Lisa: “Not me, Kermit, I’m different. I know how you feel.”
Kermit: “Ha I’m sure you do! With a name like Lisa? I’m sure you feel my pain!”
Lisa: “Lisa… Simpson.”
Kermit: “Oh my god.”
Lisa: “Yes like Lisa Simpson, no not after Lisa Simpson, yes at least it’s memorable, no I don’t have a brother, yes I did get teased at school, no I can’t do the voice!”
Kermit: “My god! I’ve never met anyone who understood! I… I know this is sudden but… will you marry me?!”
Lisa: “Maybe… what’s your surname?”
Kermit: “Minnelli.”
Lisa: “Absolutely not!”

Oh Mann, Finnemore, ich lieb‘ dich!

jf

Zu den Abschiedscredits gibt’s dann immer die Abschiedspointe:

„The show was based on an original idea… why not listen back and see if you can spot it?“

„In tonight’s show Simon Kane’s words were spoken by an actor. John Finnemore’s words should have been.“

„And John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme will be back on the same time next week! Unless he receives a quarter of a million pounds in umarked bills, you have seven days…“

 

Also: Unbedingt mal reinhören!

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